just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
