I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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