the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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