she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
