I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
ttyl tear gas
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
