Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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