Nicole vs. Life
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
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Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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