you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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