So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
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ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
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It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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