we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
