Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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