Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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