i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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