YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
