Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
