It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
