She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
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If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
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I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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