So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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