i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
