He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
