Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
