i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
