maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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