cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
