You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
