he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
