You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize