Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My cat gives me a boner
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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