I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
This is my gift to your gina
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
