..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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