no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
