I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
