You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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