even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
