It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
