hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
