I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
