i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
