How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
