I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
im holly from the hills drunk
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Oh god it's open bar.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
