before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
