All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I accidentally burped into my bong.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He shit in the fireplace
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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