Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
