im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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