Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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