Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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