btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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