Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
