ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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