When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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