I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
