what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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