So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
