I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
