I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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