Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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