your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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