I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
