So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
