I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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