You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
