I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
