he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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